A safe space for socialists, communists, and leftist believers of all denominations
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WELCOME TO THE FIRST CHURCH OF THE PROGRESSIVE!
NOW IN COLOR!
LATEST NEWS
New Gender Discovered in Papua New Guinea!
A team of progressive social “scientists” scouring the jungles of Papua New Guinea for evidence of white privilege stumbled upon an as yet unidentified gender, bringing the total number of genders our faith recognizes to 136! “Obviously it’s always exciting to discover a new gender, even though they seem to be popping up almost daily“, remarked lead researcher and unisex bathroom attendant Francis St James-St John.
Bernie Finds New Country to Mislabel as a Socialist Success Story!
“We used to laud Venezuela, you know, until reports surfaced about Venezuelans having to eat rats and dogs to survive. So then, you know, we had to quickly change gears and started telling people that when we looked to socialism for America we weren’t looking to Venezuela [any more] but rather, to Denmark. But it turns out, Denmark is actually a capitalist country. All of those Nordic nations are – who knew? So then we had to try to find a country that 1-actually had a socialist economy and 2-where pets weren’t on the menu. This was obviously incredibly difficult and we had to go all over the world, but, I’m happy to say that we finally found it. It’s not so much a country as it is an Amazonian tribe, but, it still counts.”
Another Victory for Antifa!
Stalwart Antifa peacekeepers whom were simply protecting an intersection from being overrun with ambulances, fire engines, or commuters trying to get to their jobs – found themselves suddenly under assault by a geriatric couple who had the audacious effrontery to believe they had the right to attend a political speech! But we are pleased to report that after a protracted 60 minute struggle the two decrepit Nazi scum were finally subdued by dozens of our best and bravest. Antifa reported “minimal casualties” during the encounter. Another win for the forces of good!
DONATE
If you would like to help us preach the progressive gospel through this website, our print materials, and performance mime troupe, you may donate by sending cash, jewelry, precious metals, power tools, watches or any other high value pawn items to:
First Church of the Progressive Reverend Rankin File PO Box 4243213948765 Constantinople, GA 30513
Thank you!
ABOUT THIS WEBSITE
This site is proudly created and maintained by a team of web developers. Developers who are not compensated in accordance with what a free and open market would pay them, but developers who value working for a just, Marxist organization where all employees are equally rewarded. Developers who were not hired based solely upon their talents and abilities, but by what matters most – their skin tones and gender identity.
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT OUR FAITH
Please download The Progressive Bible below.
Showing little in the way of mercy, the evil seed of capitalism sprouted in their hearts, twisting and defiling the disease-ridden peons into believing that property rights, were to them, something that should be accorded. – The Progressive Bible, Genesis 2:4
First Church of the Progressive 